A New Love Helps the Healing

It is now day three with the new kitty. I was met with another surprise and coincidence when I picked her up: she's deaf. As my other blog will tell my readers I am hard of hearing myself. Mike and I are feeling that this is all more than a coincidence. With our knowledge of hearing loss (he's hearing) we are able to adapt to her needs almost seamlessly. And in the time that she's been home her neurotic state has almost vanished. I realize now that she circles to make sure no one is sneaking up her. She looks behind her while eating to protect her food. She meows and trills constantly because she likes the feeling. She's unsteady on her feet because her ears don't give her balance.

When we first got her home she paced the house for a good 12 hours before finally settling in and sleeping. Now she follows us around and has cried when she couldn't find us. It was fun to come home and not have to worry about my feisty stray running out, since she didn't even know I was home. I found her sleeping upstairs, perched high on the arm of our love seat.

She feels meant to be and my heart is smitten. I am worried though, she's younger than we thought. She's only 7-11 months, so she has a higher chance of getting FIP. But she's already been though so much: she had a life threatening illness in her uterus and ovaries that was found during her spay surgery. If she wasn't caught and spayed she would have died. She's strong and has already overcome so much. I just have to be hopeful that her immune system is strong and won't mutate into FIP.

One Month

Tomorrow will be one month since Callie passed. In some ways it seems longer, in other ways it seems shorter. Time does help to heal the ache, but the missing never leaves.

Over the weekend we went down to the shelter to visit some cats. Instantly we wanted to bring them all home but knew we had to wait for someone special. In one cage a little black and white checkered cat called our attention. She is named Edwina, is about a year old and was a stray. We played with her and were smitten with her personality. Edwina ran around the room playing, climbed up to peak in on a friend in another room, and kept circling the small room we were in. She has a wobble to her hind legs and seemed to have a crazy personality.

We brought her back to her cage and Mike held her on her back. I picked up her paws and played with her nails and she didn't seem to mind. Her information said she had some special needs so we set out to find a staff member to find out more. Turns out that Edwina has some neurological issues. They think she either got an infection in the womb or when she was very young. She'll groom one spot for several minutes and then stop, she'll twitch her head at times, and she likes to pace. After dealing with a cat with FIP neurological issues doesn't phase us at all. Plus, we're not quite normal ourselves so why should this cat be?

We set out to put in an adoption for Edwina. She's young, so there is a still a chance of FIP. She's petite and kitten like which I feel we need. We were cheated out of those stages with Callie. Another cat named Bear caught Mike's attention. Bear is a big black cat who liked to push all his weight into you while getting petted. Bear didn't speak to me but he did to Mike. We waited on Bear and when I went back to visit Edwina and see if she and Bear would work together I learned that Bear had already been adopted. He's an older cat so we are happy that he has a good home.

Edwina will be coming home on Thursday. I am now cleaning up the rest of the floors and bleaching out Callie's old litter boxes, carrying cage, and toys. By adopting from a shelter we know our next pet will have the Coronavirus and have a chance at coming down with FIP. We still don't want to take any chances. It is a game of Russian Roulette. Hopefully Callie will be our only pet to endure this horrible disease.



I am looking forward to having a cat at home again. Especially one as quirky as Edwina is. Hopefully it will all go well. I hope that Callie will approve of her sister.

6 Months

Today would have been 6 months since adopting Callie. It's a bittersweet day. I'm reminded of how little time we had with her and how much she's changed our lives.

I miss you Callie. I hope you are having fun and celebrating where ever you are now.

Two Weeks Later

It's been two weeks since Callie passed. I haven't been posting here much since her story is over. It's my story that continues; the story of those left behind. I've had good days and bad days. Missing her doesn't go away. Since she was with us for only five months there are times when it almost feels like just a dream that she was here.

We've started to clean up to prepare for a new pet. I purchased a steam cleaner just yesterday. Mike plans to start cleaning the rugs and the floors tomorrow. Soon we'll have the home free of any possibly virus that Callie left behind.

I miss having a pet around. I know I can't have my Callie back but I want to adopt someone new into our home. With a vacation coming soon Mike feels we should wait until we come back. The logical side of me agrees with him. The emotional side of me just wants to run out and bring someone new home.

I've made a picture book of all of Callie's pictures. It's 120 pages filled with over 250 pictures. I understand now why I took so many. The UPS tracking site tells me it should arrive tomorrow. I can't wait to have it. We also have the professional pictures of Callie to choose from. I look forward to the day where I can come home and see her face around the house.

Two days ago I day-dreamt about finding a stray cat that needed a home. Yesterday I pulled into my parking spot to see a stray hiding a few feet away. As I approached the cat s/he ran away. I found it later on and noticed no collar but a healthy body weight. I think this cat lives in the drainage pipes around my complex. I took a walk again today and spotted him or her yet again. Like last time s/he ran towards the pipe for safety. I have left some food out on my porch, hoping to let it know that it's safe here and give it food if it is hungry. Unfortunately I think my porch might be too far away from the safe areas. I had never seen a stray before adopting Callie, now I'm trying to bring one home.

On a sad note a friend of mine has a cat with a probable FIP diagnosis. My heart is breaking for her. I've been in her shoes and I wish I could just make it better for her. Sadly I know that even if better can be achieved if it is a long and hard process. If anyone is still reading my ramblings please keep this new kitty, Lucy, in your thoughts. She needs the miracle that Callie was unable to find.

Sadness

This morning sadness creeped in again. I wasn't even thinking of Callie and I felt like I could cry. I was thinking about my plans for the day. Mike and I are going to head out and do some shopping, something we haven't been able to do in a while. And this makes me sad. It's great that we can get out. The reason is still that our beloved Callie is gone.

I miss her. I know that will never go away. I didn't anticipate the ups and downs of grieving.

Memories

I’m trying to remember Callie in her healthy days. As I look back I realize just how long she was sick. The healthy days come to me in a hazy mess, not crystal clear like the image of her lifeless body. I wish the happy days were the ones that came to mind first. Sadly she was very sick for a long time. It strikes me how very unfair this disease is.

When we first adopted Callie I wondered how she’d look as an adult, how she’d act. I didn’t realize I’d never know the answers. It’s not what she deserved.

Of course as I look back on the memories I’m reminded of how frustrating it was to raise a kitten. Before she got sick Callie was going through a biting phase. She wasn’t hurting; she was thinking my hair was a toy. It was so frustrating to try and sleep in on a day off from work only to have a kitten force me up at an early hour. I’ve said bad words to her, especially when she would attack my hair from the back of my computer chair. I’ve had to lock her in the bathroom until Mike came home.

If I could go back in time I would have worked with her more. I wouldn’t have been angry. Her antics were annoying, yes, but they were also the product of her being healthy. I wish I could have handled the situation differently. I know she knew she was loved. I think this is part of the grief process.

So to anyone out there with an annoying kitten, puppy, or other young pet take their antics in stride. Enjoy knowing that this behavior is out of health. I loved how cuddly Callie was in her last month of life but I realize it was because she was too sick to play.
I can only hope I am able to act on these thoughts with my next pet.

Relief

Today has been better. It's been a bit of up and down through out the day. I realize that if I had posted this a few hours ago I would probably be typing something different. Right now I'm feeling relief. I have laundry going and I think I washed just about every sock Mike and I own. I prepped my lunch for tomorrow. I'm doing stuff around the house. For the past month I haven't been. Instead I had been sitting around with Callie, letting her sit on me, or just worrying.

It's the weight of worry that is now gone. I miss her, I love her, but I'm no longer worrying about her. There is no longer the fear of her being in pain. The guessing is gone. She is hopefully at peace now.

For the past hour I have been running up and down the stairs doing laundry and I feel so invigorated. I'm not constantly moving Callie as she snuggles in. I'm not worried about her following me and getting trapped in the work room. I'm free to run up and down the stairs as much as I want.

It's still lonely though. Callie is my first pet (well, that wasn't a fish) and while her absence is comfortable I miss having a furry being around. Even if we are ready soon we need to take the time to get our home as clean as possible so that we don't risk infecting our next pet.

She will always be my first. If you don't believe me just look at my shirt, I'm wearing my t-shirt with her face on it. Since she's no longer here in person I enjoy having her image close to my heart.

I spent my entire morning putting all of her pictures onto a DVD. It runs about a half hour. We might add music later. Earlier I had it playing while I worked on the laundry. I enjoyed looking up to see her face, even if it was hard to watch her transition from a healthy kitty to a sick one.