Memories

I’m trying to remember Callie in her healthy days. As I look back I realize just how long she was sick. The healthy days come to me in a hazy mess, not crystal clear like the image of her lifeless body. I wish the happy days were the ones that came to mind first. Sadly she was very sick for a long time. It strikes me how very unfair this disease is.

When we first adopted Callie I wondered how she’d look as an adult, how she’d act. I didn’t realize I’d never know the answers. It’s not what she deserved.

Of course as I look back on the memories I’m reminded of how frustrating it was to raise a kitten. Before she got sick Callie was going through a biting phase. She wasn’t hurting; she was thinking my hair was a toy. It was so frustrating to try and sleep in on a day off from work only to have a kitten force me up at an early hour. I’ve said bad words to her, especially when she would attack my hair from the back of my computer chair. I’ve had to lock her in the bathroom until Mike came home.

If I could go back in time I would have worked with her more. I wouldn’t have been angry. Her antics were annoying, yes, but they were also the product of her being healthy. I wish I could have handled the situation differently. I know she knew she was loved. I think this is part of the grief process.

So to anyone out there with an annoying kitten, puppy, or other young pet take their antics in stride. Enjoy knowing that this behavior is out of health. I loved how cuddly Callie was in her last month of life but I realize it was because she was too sick to play.
I can only hope I am able to act on these thoughts with my next pet.