Back in January, before Callie got sick, I had made up t-shirts for Mike and I for our first anniversary vacation this May. The t-shirts have Callie's face on them. At my suggestion Mike wore his shirt to bed last night and to work today. I will probably wear mine tomorrow. Last night we fell asleep snuggled up with Callie's image.
This morning I woke up in tears. I felt like my heart had been scratched by over grown kitty claws. Mike held me for a while but he had to go to work. I stayed in bed and eventually got a little more sleep. When I got up I moved around slowly. The house felt empty, it felt raw. And it didn't help that every message I have received regarding Callie's passing sends me to tears.
Luckily I had things to do and got out of the house. Callie was in my heart every step of the way. My mother met me for lunch and some shopping and it was nice to be out and not alone. I separated from her to do food shopping and I could barely look down the baby food isle and cat supply aisle. I was afraid I would start balling over a can of baby food and then have to explain to some stranger that my kitty used to eat it.
Once finished I didn't want to come home. I sat in my car in the driveway and stalled. I knew I needed to go in but it would be an empty home. Eventually I brought the food in and cried at the empty space. I managed to put the food away but not to make any dinner. I did eat most of a bag of nachos, however.
I've been playing with Callie's pictures this evening. I'm making a picture book since I've taken over 200 pictures in her short 5 months. I also burned a CD of those 200 pictures. I'm glad they fit on one CD but I'm sad there was room for 200 mb's more. For some reason I want that CD to be full and complete. Not incomplete like Callie's life was. I also started having trouble looking at the pictures once she got sick. I prefer her healthy, active, and happy. Our old Callie and her daredevil ways.
Her passing has created a deep void in my heart. I know she will always be there. I'm just looking forward to the day when it doesn't hurt as much.
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2 comments:
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story.
I am mourning my little Comet, who I had to put to sleep only yesterday afternoon because of FIP. What a horrible, devastating disease.
What you went through with Callie is nearly identical to our experience with Comet. So, thank you for sharing your story. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this pain.
My soul is injured by the loss of this tiny kitten, only 8 months old. He had been in my life less than 3 months but touched me deeply.
RIP Comet
thankyou for your story, today is our second day since the passing of cat from fip.
the only difference was we didn't know she had fip until the day she was put down. But everything rang true to how she was.
how is your new cat nearly 4 years on? I hope you found the long term love and joy they can bring. Our cat was our first, we loved her so much.. Right now we are just devasted,. Luckily we have another kitten to ease the emptiness, but it still feels empty. Best wishes
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